Galapagos, Part 2

                                          Our Journey Continues 

Nov. 7

We rise early for an expedition to North Seymour, a small island near Baltra where our journey began.   The abundance of wildlife able to survive the harsh conditions on many of the islands is due to the Humboldt Current, a cold ocean current that carries nutrients and marine life from the southern tip of Chili north to Ecuador and Peru.  (The Galapagos lie 600 miles off the coast of Ecuador.)  For millions of years the wildlife here has continued to adapt in ways necessary for its survival. 

For example, the Marine Iguana has adapted to ocean life by learning to swim and dive to a depth of 30 feet or more for food.  This species of iguana is found nowhere else in the world.  According to Wikipedia:  “Although the Marine Iguana resembles a lizard, it has developed several adaptations that set it apart.  These include blunt noses for efficiently grazing algae, powerful limbs and claws for climbing and holding onto rocks, and laterally flattened tails for improved swimming. “   Charles Darwin described the Marine Iguana as “hideous-looking” and “most disgusting, clumsy lizards.”  An accurate description I would say except when in water they appear graceful and strong and are amazing swimmers thanks to the adaptation of long, flat tails.

We also encounter two species of Frigatebirds on North Seymour - the Great Frigatebird  and the Magnificent Frigatebird,  sea birds with enormous wing span that nest on the islands and swoop to snatch fish from the surface of the ocean. We observe dozens of them perched in brush and on tree branches, the males tirelessly strutting their stuff as the females look on, seemingly unimpressed.  One of the most gaudy displays of machismo in the animal world is the male Frigratebird as he inflates his bright red pouch in order to attract females for mating purposes.  There is no particular mating season for these birds, apparently any day or month will do, although mid-December through early April is most common. 

Brown Pelicans and Land Iguanas are also plentiful. They curiously peer up at us, unperturbed by our looming presence.  The fearless nature of the animal life is due to the absence of natural predators on many of the islands.  Nature lives in harmony for the most part, which is an amazing thing to witness.  The Land Iguanas are larger and more colorful than the Marine Iguanas and feed on prickly pear cactus pads.  Can't imagine biting into one of those!

After our hike, we return to the ship where we sail on to Sullivan Bay, Santiago Island.  On Santiago Island we step out of our zodiac onto the beach and walk a short distance to the spectacular lava fields.  The most recent volcanic eruption on this island was in 1897.  The once powerful lava fields display imprints of hot molten lava swirling, looping, and bubbling, now black and  hardened, as if frozen in time.  Hardly a sign of life except for one small cactus plant and a tiny lava lizard.  The terrain is potentially treacherous.  However, we keep our heads down so not to lose our balance as we jump over deep fissures, hop scotch across jagged landscapes, and pause to inspect colorful rock striations until the sun begins to set, casting shadows across the barren rock resulting in a beautiful display of light and shadow we attempt to capture with our cameras. 

Nov. 8

We’ve almost forgotten it’s election day back home until we wake to hear the news of our newly elected President.  To be quite honest, it’s a relief being far from civilization and all the political turmoil.  Although we hadn’t realized when we planned this trip that we would be gone over election day, we’re glad it turned out this way.  We voted early, voted our conscious, and that was that.   However, we have internet on board ship and a television in our room, so we are not completely out of the loop.   I turn my phone on once a day to post pictures , otherwise we are device free (except for cameras).  Now I remember what the world was like before smart phones, PC’s,  tablets, and kindles.

Nov. 9

Next morning, we visit a tortoise breeding center on the island of San Cristobal  where we encounter giant tortoises, once near extinction due to sailors long ago capturing them for their meat and fat in order to survive long ocean voyages.

In the afternoon we encounter rough seas on our zodiac crossing over to Punta Pitt.  Fortunately, our zodiac driver is experienced in riding out the waves.  Our wet landing involves jumping from our zodiac into shallow water close to the beach.  On the beach, we change from wet shoes into hiking shoes and are ready to go.

 A steep, narrow trail carved out of copper colored boulders leads us on a strenuous hike into the highlands where the rugged mountains open to an expansive, breathtaking view of the turquoise Pacific.  We walk until we reach the cliffs overlooking the ocean.  It is a climb well worth the effort and a spectacular sight to behold with ocean on one side and mountains on the other.   There is not much wildlife except for birds, beautiful Blue Footed Bobbies, perched on cliffs and in nests made from sticks, the only suitable organic material available for nest building.  They seem unaffected by the winds and crashing waves below them.  As we gaze back at the mountains, the light reflecting off the jagged rock make them appear golden one minute and grey the next. We hike back to the beach as the sun begins to dip below the horizon.  What a day!

Nov. 10

This morning we kayak along the rocky coastline of Rabida and Eden Islet, Santa Cruz Island.  The sea is calm and the sky blue.  We apply plenty of sun screen to exposed areas of our skin even though most of our body is covered by hats, long sleeves and pants.  We paddle along the rocky shore line watching the sea turtles swim, their small reptilian heads poking out of the water as they come up for air.  They are far better swimmers than one might imagine, in spite of their clumsy looking hard shells.  We barely need to paddle due to the currents, so we lift our oars out of the water, lean back and float downstream as we soak in the silent beauty all around us.

 

At one point we spot a young sea lion swimming alongside our kayak until he sees another sea lion sunning itself on a nearby boulder.  He jumps onto the rock and begins sparring with the other sea lion making loud screeching sounds until they both flop back into the sea, leaping in and out of the water.  We sit back and watch the show only a few yards from our kayak! 

On our afternoon hike we spot the only Predator of the islands, the Galapagos Hawk, now extinct on five of the islands.  It looks rather harmless and subdued perched high in some brush.

Nov. 11

We follow a nature trail on Plaza Island which follows the coast line.   Giant Galapagos Cactus sprout up out of the red, rocky terrain as seen in the photo below.  

Nov. 12

 Our journey is nearly over and yet it seems we’ve barely skimmed the surface of life on these islands.  My few short paragraphs are an attempt to capture some of the highlights of our discoveries, but my story is far from complete.  It’s one of those journeys where the effects will no doubt be felt long after we arrive home.

 Being immersed in nature, on nature’s terms, is awe inspiring to say the least.  It brings to light the inherent quality of all life which is to reach beyond its borders, to grow and evolve. This primal urge is embedded in its cellular structure and evidenced on these islands where in spite of harsh surroundings life continues not only to grow and adapt, but to thrive.

 Rumi so eloquently speaks to this vital force of nature when he writes, "Nonexistence is eagerly bubbling in the expectation of being given existence. . . for the mine and 

treasure of God’s making is naught but nonexistence coming into manifestation.” I believe he knew what he was talking about.

A Mighty Force

“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening, that translates through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it.  It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions.  It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open.”          - Martha Graham

I became acquainted with the Martha Graham dance company, an innovative modern dance group, in the 1980’s when I had the good fortune to see them perform in New York City.  Martha Graham was still alive then and even though she was too aged and frail to perform, after the performance she was brought on stage in a wheel chair to a standing ovation.  During her life time she achieved tremendous success as a woman who transformed the world of dance by bringing her own daring expression and vision to her art form.

I happened to fall in love with modern dance in the 1970’s when in college I enrolled in several classes along with dance majors and football players who were encouraged by their coaches to take dance in order to help improve their game. Dance for me was a much needed break from my other more practical classes as well as a form of self- expression, a means of tapping into the joy and passion that comes from doing what you love.  As Martha Graham once said, “Great dancers are not great because of their technique, they are great because of their passion.”    I believe this applies to anything in life we set our hearts and minds to accomplishing.   

I also believe each one of us has a unique expression or gift to share with the world, whether we are aware of it or not.  I knew this even when I doubted it for myself, and have come to realize how imperative it is that we speak up and act on what we know to be true.

The line of questioning I have often followed is, “How does one keep the creative channels open?” as Martha Graham implores.  I recall as a child how I loved playing outdoors, riding my bicycle, exploring nature, climbing trees with my brothers, and digging in the dirt.  I didn’t mind getting dirty because I loved what I was doing.  It was fun.  The same holds true today, my passion and joy for life is sustained by doing what I love. Love is what keeps the channel open and creative juices flowing.

 

I’ve discovered that this mighty force has within it a wisdom all its own that nourishes and informs, ever guiding us in ways our old habits and limiting thoughts could never do.  At some point this love for what we do begins nudging us in new directions we never thought possible.  And because it is an energy that cannot be contained, it begins moving us in the direction of our dreams.  Remember those?

Yes, dreams.  We all had them as children.  Then we became adults (some of us anyway) and fell in line with the way adults think and behave.  For no good reason our dreams, those avenues of silly self-expression, began to fade and eventually fell by the wayside.  However, we can go back at any time and pick them up again because they are right where we left them, plus a few cobwebs and dust.  They might even require some resuscitative measures to get them back up and running, yet nothing is lost forever.  And of course, if you are like me, you will need to be reminded, “It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions.  It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open.”

Of course there will be moments of self-doubt, self-judgement and even stagnation.  But it is not your business to assign a value of good or bad, or put a label on it, because to do so would be reverting back to the old ways, the limiting, constricting beliefs we once bought into.  Energy can’t flow through areas of constriction; it only flows through openings.  So the highways and byways of the psyche and soul must be kept open at all costs.

You will come up with ways, your own ways, to maintain an open channel.  The things that resonant deeply, that send chills up and down your spine, or make you laugh out loud are all signs you are moving in the right direction, you are on the “right” path, the path that speaks to you, that makes you feel alive, that comes to you in your dreams and in the quiet moments when you are alone.

And remember:  “If you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost.  The world will not have it.”  The world needs your one–of-kind expression, your love, your creativity and passion.  It needs mine too.  Let’s not hold back any longer.

Galapagos Part 1

"You can never cross the ocean until you have

                    the courage to lose sight of the shore”

                                     - Christopher Columbus

Nov. 2

We leave for Ecuador tomorrow,  a trip we have eagerly anticipated for nearly a year.  I have packed and re-packed.   Sun hat, sun screen, binoculars, motion sickness medication, wind breaker,  fleece . . .  I go over the list in my head.  My husband says I should write it down, but of course I never do.  We are about to embark on a much anticipated “expedition” to the north central Galapagos Islands. My husband is eager to practice his Spanish.  I am eager to see the wildlife.  It is a birdwatchers paradise they say, home of the Red-footed Booby, Darwin finches, Galapagos Mockingbirds to name a few.

At Reagan National we meet up with two more couples who are traveling in our group, my cousin and his wife and another couple we meet for the first time who are from Maryland.  We will fly to Atlanta, change planes, and meet up with another couple, Ed and Diana from California who we met on a previous trip.  We then fly on to Quito, Ecuador where we stay two nights before embarking on our final destination, the Galapagos Islands.

City of Quito

Nov. 3 

Our first night in Quito, I wake at 4 am with a horrendous headache and nausea.  Ugh! altitude sickness. Quito sits on the equator and spreads out over the slopes of an active volcano in the Andes mountains, an altitude of around 9,000 feet.  I have been at higher elevations in Colorado and yet never experienced anything like this.  Tylenol doesn’t touch the pain.  Luckily we are traveling with a neurosurgeon who happens to have Decadron, a drug used to treat cerebral edema, the cause of altitude sickness.  I tell you, it works miracles.  In less than two hours I am able to lift my head off the pillow and eat a little breakfast.  You never know when a neurosurgeon will come in handy.

After breakfast we tour “old town” in the city of Quito, an area of town built over Incan ruins.  The indigenous Incans make up about 25% of Quito's population, many of whom live in the mountains and come into town to sell hand woven scarves, fresh produce and craft items.  They are a beautiful people who strive to maintain as much of their culture as possible which has eroded over many years.

 Our tour guide is a young man who grew up in Quito and spent most of his life here.  He takes us to some of the oldest churches in the city. 

One of the most beautiful and well -known is the “Church of the Society of Jesus” (a Jesuit Church) which houses the tomb of hermit nun and patron saint, Mariana de Jesus, who was canonized in 1950 by the Roman Catholic Church.  Her's is a sad and unusual story.  In 1645 she died at the age of 27 from wounds caused by self-flagellation, a religious ritual of beating oneself with a whip in order to purge sin from ones nature and to imitate the passion of Christ.   It is said she “sacrificed herself for the salvation of Quito”.  Flagellation or “mortification of the flesh” was a religious practice in early Christianity, especially in monasteries.  The practice was denounced by the Catholic Church in the 14^th century.  However, it still exists in certain parts of the world such as Peru, the Philippines and Mexico.   Locals believe the spirit of this revered saint, Mariana De Jesus, protects the people of Quito.  Since her death, according to our tour guide, Quito has not experienced a devastating earthquake even though the areas surrounding Quito continue to be at the mercy of mother nature.  Luck or Divine Providence?  The locals believe that it is Divine Providence.

At the end of the tour, our guide takes us to a local outdoor café where we treat ourselves to empanadas and potato avocado soup (a local favorite) made with 5 varieties of indigenous potatoes.  Quite warm and delicious on a cool day.

Local Cafe

Nov. 5

We leave early this morning for the island of Baltra where we board a 100 passenger ship that will carry us on our journey around the Galapagos Islands.  Back at sea level again, we acclimate to life on board ship.  We are welcomed by a cheery staff and crew and given a glass of champagne to celebrate our safe arrival.   The sea is a deep, clear turquoise and fairly calm, although the waters are cool for snorkeling (around 72 degrees).  Not to worry, there are plenty of wet suites on board.  However, our first task is to fit ourselves with life jackets.  Not as easy as you might think after a glass of champagne : )  

Nov. 6

The Galapagos are an archipelago or cluster of islands on either side of the equator in the eastern Pacific Ocean off the coast of South America.  The group of 18 plus islands is protected by the Ecuadorian Government and the National Park of the Galapagos whose purpose is the preservation of the unique environments found there.  The islands were made famous by Charles Darwin who visited them in 1835 where he studied many of the unique varieties of wildlife (some species found nowhere else in the world) that contributed to his theory of evolution by natural selection.

We rise early ready to explore our first island, Genovesa (called “bird island”) where we climb the “Prince Phillip Steps” with our expedition team of sixteen “explorers” / tourists.  The steps are a steep rocky path named after the Duke of Edinburgh who visited the island in 1965. We step from our zodiac onto the rocky steps that lead us to the top of a cliff where we proceed along a trail we are instructed not to stray from.  The island is teeming with cawing, screeching bird life.  It is truly a bird paradise where birds glide on powerful air currents, dive beak first into the sea to capture a meal, and industriously build nests for their young, completely fearless of their human intruders. What a thrill to behold!

As soon as we set out on our hike, we sight a Red-Footed Booby in some brush, one of the most plentiful of the boobies in the Galapagos.  They have bright red feet and blue beaks. They eat flying fish and squid and build their nests in trees and bushes.  Surprisingly, they remain unflinching as we stand only a few feet from them snapping our cameras.

Galapagos Santa Cruz Crab

 Later in the morning we head for the sandy beaches of Darwin Bay to see the sea lions and get in some snorkeling.  

A mother sea lion nursing her young

After lunch each day the ship offers a lecture or documentary on some aspect of the islands.   Today, the BBC Part 1 documentary, “Galapagos: Born of Fire”, narrated by Tilda Swinton’s lovely voice is shown.  Beautiful photography. (I believe it’s available on Netflix) .

Evening for dinner, we enjoy grilled sea food out on the deck of the ship under the twinkling stars and share stories from our day.  We are getting to know our crew and guests on the ship who represent a variety of countries and cultures from around the world,  although many of the guests are from the United States.   

Naturalist, Juan Carlos 

The “Naturalists” who escort us through the protected areas of the park are licensed Galapagos National Park guides. They are very knowledgeable about the history, geography, and wildlife and have utmost respect and love for the islands.  I admit, there is something very special about these isolated volcanic land masses, many of them dry and barren,  where life continues to evolve in spite of the harsh conditions.  This is of course what makes them so fascinating and unique to study and explore.

Adios por ahora!!

(To be continued)

Why Meditation Now?

“This withdrawal from the day’s turmoil into creative silence is not a luxury, a fad, or a futility.  It dissolves mental tensions and heals negative emotions.” – Paul Brunton

Modern meditation teacher Bob Roth says, “We are living in an epidemic of toxic trauma and stress that cuts across all demographics. Modern medicine has no magic pill to either prevent stress or cure it.  We can mask it with 6 glasses of wine or 5 cups of espresso before six in the morning or we can manage it with Ambien and Xanax . . . but [there is] nothing curative.”

Roth, who has taught meditation for over 40 years, considers himself an atypical meditation teacher.  He says he is a skeptic, even a cynic when it comes to alternative new age culture.  However, throughout his long career he has taught meditation to inner city children, prisoners, men on death row, the mission district in San Francisco, veterans and women and children survivors of domestic violence.    

 Recently, in an interview, Mr. Roth was asked: “Why meditation now?”

His answer:   “Science.”

Meditation, an ancient practice, has recently gone mainstream.  Roth states that science didn’t take mediation seriously until about 5-7 years ago when brain research started coming out. However, meditation is now backed by science and is being taught in big banks, corporations, hospitals, and professional athletic teams.  Research is providing ample evidence that regular meditation practice is not only good for our health but essential to the well-being of a society drowning in fear and anxiety.

Last month at my father’s funeral in Michigan, I ran into my uncle, a physician from Boston who I hadn't seen in nearly 20 years.  Not long into our conversation we discovered we had something in common.  We both practice meditation.  

I was not the least surprised by my uncle’s scientific explanations in support of meditation, because they also happen to support my own personal experiences.  When I began my practice in earnest over 25 years ago no one had to convince me of the therapeutic benefits of meditation.  Meditation was something I was naturally drawn to as a way to balance a stressful work life as an emergency room trauma nurse.  However, what I did not anticipate was that meditation practice would radically change my life for the better.

My story continues.  When I arrived back home from my fathers funeral, my daughter, who happens to be a physician in Chicago, calls to tell me that Rush Medical Center, where she works as a chief resident, asked her to offer guided meditation as part of a wellness program for interns and residents, and she wanted to know if I would give her a simple meditation process to share with the residents.

Being scientists like my uncle, I figured the residents would respond well to scientific evidence.  So I did some fact checking of my own with regard to the science behind the practice of meditation.

This is what I found:

Even though meditation has been around for thousands of years, only recently have scientists had the tools to look into the brain to see what actually happens when people meditate.  Research has revealed that due to chronic stress our brain is in a state of imbalance.

According to a 2007 New York Times article, "Recent research has shown that meditation is good for the brain.  It appears to increase gray matter, improve the immune system, reduce stress and promote a sense of well-being."

It has long been known that high levels of stress stimulate the” flight or fight” response which in turn decreases the immune response.  A weakened immune system lowers the ability to fight stress, thus a vicious cycle ensues.  “Anything that interrupts this cycle [such as meditation] by providing a sense of relaxation and safety will also be immune enhancing”, states Jeffrey Leiphart PhD, San Francisco AIDS Foundation.  MRI and EEG studies demonstrate that meditation results in a feeling of positive well-being.  “The amygdala [region of brain associated with emotions] calms down . . .  and all parts of the brain start to communicate”. 

Meditation has also been found to decrease anxiety and depression, improve cognitive abilities, concentration, self-awareness and sleep. “Veterans, who hadn’t slept well for months, began sleeping 18 hours a night for days in a row after learning how to meditate,” says Roth.  The body performs a very important function during sleep.  It releases toxins.   Therefore adequate sleep is vitally important to the maintenance of health.  Something most people can probably attest to from personal experience.

Recently, “The National Institutes of Health funded a 26 million dollar study on transcendental meditation (TM) and its effect on high blood pressure.  As a result of this study the American Heart Association released a statement saying TM is in many regards as effective a tool in reducing high blood pressure as medication and with no negative side effects.”

You need only Google “benefits of meditation” to find reams of convincing evidence that meditation promotes good health.  However, in my own practice of meditation for over two decades, I‘ve discovered meditation to be good not only for my mind and body but also for my soul.  Thomas Moore in his bestselling book, “Care of the Soul”, states the following:

The great malady of the twentieth century, implicated in all of our

trouble and affecting us individually and socially, is ‘loss of soul’.

Even though Moore finds it difficult to define exactly what soul is, he states, “We know intuitively that soul has to do with genuineness and depth.”

How mind, body and soul interrelate is perhaps something modern science has yet to wrap its head around.  My own experience leads me to believe that we each have an “inner sense” that when developed or strengthened is like a compass that steers us in the right direction and is not dependent upon science or any other authority.  I’m not saying we don’t need science to inform us.  Science is a marvelous tool.  Where would we be without our cell phones and lap tops!  What I am saying is that meditation nourishes the soul -that part of us that is innately aware and intuitive- and points us in the direction of our most authentic self.

 Meditation is not about "zoning out", but is a relaxed state of heightened awareness and focused attention.  It is about being comfortable with silence.  Meditation, though not a religion, is compatible with any religious affiliation because its emphasis is on experience rather than a particular belief system.  A common meditation practice focuses attention on the breath by simply observing the breathing process or the natural flow of breath in and out.  This technique gently calms the mind and emotions and pleasantly anchors the practitioner in the present moment. 

Other techniques withdraw attention directly into the silent center that lies at the depths of our inner being.  This silent core is where one’s true nature or higher power resides, however one views that power or names it. Author, Susan Murphy has this to say about inner silence:  "Whenever we find our way into such a silence, it is a little like remembering a child's kind of trust in what is happening . . . We're not focused on past memories or what we already know . . . It is like recognizing the one we have longed for, the one we always knew we really were . . . "  In my own practice I've discovered this silent core to be the location of true peace and fulfillment.

Like anything else, meditation works best when used consistently, or when  it becomes a daily practice, preferably 20 minutes twice a day (morning and evening) to begin with.  As a good friend of mine always says when we see each other, “Bern, the best is yet to come!” the same rings true of meditation.   As the practice of meditation evolves, a subtle, yet radical shift in perspective may begin to occur, establishing the practitioner in what some call, “the natural state” or “true self”.

 What is meant by “natural state” is simply the state of innocence we were born into.  As infants and children we experienced the world with fresh eyes and an open heart, free from layers of conditioning accumulated over a lifetime- the obsessions, judgments and attachments to self-image, belief systems, and even our own suffering. 

Therefore, meditation not only dissolves stress, but provides a doorway into our our most authentic self, the self we inadvertently lost sight of somewhere between childhood and adulthood. And when this door begins to open, a whole new world presents itself- a more expansive, balanced perspective where wonder and awe for this magnificent gift called life is ever present.

If someone were to ask:  “Why meditation now?”

I’d have to say: “Because it works!”

Divine Lila - The Creative Play of Life

One night I awoke from a puzzling dream.   In my dream I saw a row of large colorful beads strung together, each bead with its own unique, intricate pattern and design.  And then the words came, “The tests and challenges will become more subtle and complex,  look closely and carefully.  All is as it should be.  Be brave and you will win the bead game.” 

It could have been  a scene taken from the 1943 Herman Hess novel, “Magester Ludi and the Glass Bead Game” which won a Nobel prize for Literature in 1946. It is a book I attempted to read in my twenties, however at the time the book felt deep and mysterious and way over my head.  

The glass bead game is said to represent “Divine Lila”, the game or play of Life.  Of course this is only one interpretation of a complex book with multi-layered meanings.  However, I’d like to play with the idea a bit if I may.

Lila or Leela is a Sanskrit word defined as, “a way of describing all reality, including the cosmos, as the outcome of creative  play  by the divine absolute,” Brahman or God.  The word “play” may also be substituted for “love”.   Therefore,  creation, rather than an intentional  forethought by the Divine, is  a spontaneous act or expression of sheer joy and love, the play of  God .

One might go a step further by saying that creation, being  a wellspring of love and life, eternity at play, implies that the Divine imperative for all creation is to play as God plays.  That is, if we are indeed made in the Divine image.

“The cosmic spirit seeks not to restrain us

But lifts us stage by stage to wider spaces . . . “

These words taken from Hess’s “Magester Ludi and the Glass Bead Game” seem to transport the reader to a timeless place, perhaps infinity Itself or an inner realm wise and all knowing,  pregnant with possibility.   After all, is not life continually nudging us to step into larger versions of our self,  into the sparkling effervescence of  a greater potential .  Perhaps the Divine longs  for us to awaken to It’s eternal presence so that we may become aware of this larger potential  we are meant to embody. 

In his  best- selling book, “Autobiography of a Yogi”, Paramahansa Yogananda writes the following:

“The divine purpose of creation, so far as man’s reason can grasp it, is expounded in the Vedas (sacred texts).  The rishis (poet or sage) taught that each human being has been created by God as a soul that will uniquely manifest some special attribute of the Infinite before resuming its Absolute Identity.”

What an intriguing prospect - that somewhere deep in the cavern of each soul lies a divine attribute that is the soul’s alone to express, a facet of creation never before seen, a Divine imprint longing for expression in the world of time.  In my dream perhaps the intricate design of each bead is pointing to just that- the unique beauty  within each soul.  And what if the purpose of life or "play of lila" is to discover this hidden treasure. Just as the Divine delights in It’s creations, so too might we delight in ours.  Could it be that awakening to this greater creative potential is how the glass bead game is won?  If so, what a marvelous play indeed.

Rock God

A couple months after Christmas 2010, much to my family's shock and disbelief, my brother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s at the otherwise healthy age of 53.  I was in India at the time and received word as I was leaving to come home.

 Alzheimer’s at such a young age, ‘It can’t be true’ are often the words uttered when a tragedy such as this hits home.   For a while we speculated that it must be Lyme’s disease, an infectious illness caused by tick bites.   After all, my brother has been an avid rock climber since the age of sixteen, traveling the country and around the world where he sleeps in a hammock anchored to the wall of a rock suspended thousands of feet off the ground.  Surely he must have contracted Lyme’s somewhere along the way. 

My brother saw specialists, the smartest doctors in the field.  However, all the studies revealed that it was indeed the dreaded disease, the same disease my mother was diagnosed with in her early 80’s as well as two of mother’s sisters who are now deceased.

As a writer friend of mine once wrote,

“No matter how well prepared we are, the complex geography of fate isn’t something we can ever truly anticipate, or defend against.  But what we can do is respond to what happens-by doing our best and helping others to do theirs.”

In the midst of heart ache and despair, tragedy’s “golden shadow” appeared in the form of my brothers close knit community of climbing buddies, friendships that extend back 40 some years.

It was my brother Doug’s lifelong climbing buddies who so heroically rallied behind him, doing their best to help. They called and visited, took Doug on outings to the mountains, art museums, biking, camping, vacations, even climbing.  Yet, one of the most deeply touching acts of kindness bestowed upon my brother was a book his buddies wrote in his honor titled, “Take Me to the River:  Anthology of Alleged Rock God Exploits”, a hilarious and moving tribute to their much adored climbing companion and friend.

Recently, I sat down with my cup of tea to learn more about the “alleged exploits” of my brother whose friends affectionately call “Rock God”.  As I turned each page filled with anecdotal stories and photographs of skinny guys (they can lose 10 pounds or more on a long climb) entwined in rope and gear balancing mid- air on as little as ¼ inch of protruding rock, I shake my head in disbelief.  Now I understand why my mother so fervently prayed each time my brother left on yet another climbing adventure.  A mother’s fierce love is something you can’t quite understand until you yourself become a mother.

Doug’s climbing career had its meager beginnings at “The Ledges” in Grand Ledge, Michigan. He and his buddies were adolescents then, filled with hopes, dreams, and agonies. They not only climbed, they grew up together maturing into adulthood, careers, marriage with children,  and still they managed to carve out time to climb together at least once a year-  traveling to Yosemite’s El Capitan,  the Tetons, Verdun gorge in France, West Midlands in England,  the Dolomites and Canadian Rockies, to name a few.

Because of the extreme rigor and danger of climbing, a strong trust and unbreakable bonds develop among climbers as they literally depend on each other for their survival.   It is a world I know very little of except through the photos and anecdotal stories my brother would tell over the years and now through an anthology written by his friends who share stories that make me laugh,  stories that can only be told from the admiring eyes of loyal friends who share a common bond. 

 Perhaps a few excerpts from the book will paint a clearer picture of how my brother acquired the beloved nick- name “Rock God”.

“Hailing from Charlotte, Michigan, not far from Grand Ledge, the climbing epicenter of the state, Doug, ‘Rock God’ Matthews has been on the cutting edge of climbing since his start in the fall of 1972.

 Despite the questionable auspiciousness of beginning a climbing career in the fall, the Rock God (RG) rarely, if ever has fallen.  . . RG went on to establish some of the most classic and challenging lines in the sandstone by the Grand River, including his namesake . . . “Doug’s Roof”, fired in style in 1976.  Some of his ascents have never been repeated, though by plan or accident is still a mystery. 

It was not long before the Rock God was climbing all over the country, trekking to the faraway lands of Wisconsin, West Virginia, New York, North Carolina and New Hampshire... No matter where he went, he inspired his partners to heights far beyond their own mortal abilities, often accompanied with music of equal inspiration such as the Talking Head’s famous song, “Psycho Climber”, upon which his legend grew hundred-fold. 

Where as I need a stick clip (climbing device), Rock God doesn’t even need a rope, the Rock Legend eschews all forms of modern sport-climbing devices, even eschewing wholly woven t-shirts and tights . . . Only a few of us could hope to match this Legend.

It was the beginning of deep friendships, . . . a time when the excitement of getting a new pair of ill -fitting EBs (1970’s state of the art climbing shoes) was not dampened by the inevitable loss of toenails.

For many of us, climbing became an addictive passion which could only lead to Yosemite Valley . . . the place where real climbers go. The big walls were why we came. 

The following is a comical if not down- right scary description of their first ascent of the challenging 3,000 ft. vertical granite rock formation called “El Capitan” in Yosemite National Park:

“It is impossible to describe all that we did wrong.  For sure, we set a new record for being slow, and we slept at most of the poorer bivies (a “camp site” on the climbing route off the ground). On day 2, we dropped our food bag.  Had to live off of a small bag of raisins and peanuts after that.  Paul had some lecithin and beansprout sandwiches that were composting in the haul bag that we just couldn’t force ourselves to eat.  At night we froze because we did not take sleeping bags – too heavy, we thought.  We ran out of water on day 4.  But we persevered and, after 4 nights on the wall we topped out (made it to the top). That was the beginning of 15 years of Yosemite adventures for Doug and me.  We did the drive, we ate at the Mexican restaurant, we flirted with the same waitress, we listened to the Talking Heads, Dire Straits, and Michael Franks, we stopped at the Wawona Tunnel – there was a time when I wondered why we wouldn’t do the same thing every May for the rest of our lives.  I couldn’t imagine ever stopping.”

And stop they did not.                 

“The year 1984 brought Rock God out to Estes Park for further escapades on Rocky Mountain granite with the entire gang from the Michigan Alpine Club.  . . . Tom and I thought better of accompanying RG into the snowy mists.  .. No matter where he went to climb, he left a fine record of ascents. .  I thank RG that he’s taken me to the most beautiful places on earth!  And there were always some strange and awesome sights to behold, as only RG could record … RG can find his camera, no matter where he may be, from the heights of Shockley’s Ceiling, to the floors of Yosemite Valley, I still remember sitting nearly nude in a field overlooking Mono Lake as the RG turned his camera to take in my tan in contrast to the blue, brown grasses and tufa.

Random memories include Doug having long blonde hair and being asked repeatedly by an old blind guy to dance in a bar in Milton, Canada.  I believe he did. 

 And in Europe we lived on canned beans and HP sauce . . . A couple of weeks were spent in Italy’s Dolomites doing the climbs put up by a young Reinhold Messner (a famous Italian climber).  What beauty, white limestone, the bluest skies, exposed routes and for Doug, a waitress at one particular alpine hut who played drinking games that required him to kiss her.

On a trip to Scotland, we stopped at Edinburgh before heading west to the fabled Isle of Skye.  Edinburg was a fascinating place . . . great architecture and ever looming, a castle.  Kyle and Bruce got escorted out of the Edinburgh castle by the military police because they successfully scaled/bouldered the castle walls during the annual military tattoo.

And then there was the summer of love.

 A fine summer in Estes Park . . . We all found jobs that didn’t interfere with our climbing.  Doug became a waiter at the snooty restaurant at "The Stanley Hotel". He proudly served the finest dishes and became the favorite waiter of Klaus, the restaurant manager.  Klaus liked his steak dinner and Doug and another climber/cook, Keith, knew what Klaus wanted.  But, Klaus shouldn’t have pissed Keith off.  Each steak destined for Klaus was slipped down Keith’s underwear and marinated in his crotch prior to cooking.  Unbeknownst to Doug, it was this steak he so proudly served to Klaus. 

 We climbed and climbed that summer, tearing up the crags in the Park and Long’s Peak and Lumpy Ridge.  And we laughed like perhaps no other time.  We loved what we were doing . . . but eventually it came to an end.  It was the summer of love and love had become very important.  Helen came out to surprise Doug, and it was indeed a surprise, and she and Doug finally married  – a testament to what a fine woman she is. It is bitter sweet to remember the adventures, the epics, the sense of camaraderie and always, the love.

My sister-in-law, Helen, who is also an accomplished rock climber, said that in all their years of climbing together Doug never lost patience or got rattled.   On one trip to the Wind Rivers, he refused to do an anticipated climb up Mount Helen because he said she wasn’t in the right frame of mind.  Good Call.

Recently I drove to D.C. to pick up my brother and bring him home to stay with us for a week.  We listened to John Coltrane and Bob Dylan, some of his favorites.  We made fresh fruit smoothies, went for walks and watched the sunset.   We called his daughter, Harriet, who is in Maine for the summer working in the women’s department of a clothing store.  It was the first day of her very first job.  On the verge of womanhood herself now, so independent and brave, she turned 16 this month.

 In their forties, my brother and his wife went to Cambodia to bring home their nine month old adopted daughter, the joy of their life.  She has had a wonderful upbringing including a few lessons in rock climbing from the alleged “Rock God” himself.  She has learned to be brave.  We have all had to learn to be brave.  And whether here at home or suspended on a cliff 3,000 feet in the air, this is what life requires of us.

Claiming our Power

This writing is in response to neighbors, friends, and family who so courageously responded to my previous post titled, “Speaking the Unspeakable”.  Quite frankly,  I was taken aback by the number of women in my immediate environment who began sharing with me their memories of sexual  assault,  some of them speaking  aloud for the very first time.  One woman in particular, who is in her eighties, had never spoken of her assault before because, “It just wasn’t talked about in those days.”  Another dear friend related how reading my post caused her to “remember”  an incident of sexual abuse at the age of 13.   

It is those who have responded that have given me the strength and fuel to continue this conversation, though in a slightly different vein. 

Recently,  I opened an issue of “Time” magazine.  The focus of this particular issue was, “The Most 100 influential People”.  I randomly opened the page and lo and behold my eyes fell upon a photo of Denis Mukwege, a physician in Africa who is involved with healing the survivors of wartime rape.  Jill Biden, the Vice President’s wife, met Dr. Mukwege on a trip to Africa and wrote the following moving statement about his work for Time:

In the heart of Africa, after a lengthy journey along a sienna dirt road cut through mountainous jungle on the eastern side of the Democratic Republic of Congo, within sight of the border with Rwanda and one of the bloodiest tribal-civil wars ever known, we arrived at Panzi Hospital in Bukavu.

It was there that I first met Dr. Denis Mukwege, a gynecological surgeon and founder of the hospital.  With a towering presence, a disarming smile and a soft, soothing voice, he is a source of strength and sanctuary in a land of violence and despair-a forgotten war.  The son of a Pentecostal pastor, he is guided by the Hippocratic Oath and an indomitable commitment to justice on his own mission to save these communities one woman at a time.

What Dr. Mukwege and his team at Panzi Hospital do is extraordinary.  Theirs is a reality where 48 women in the DRC are raped every hour, according to a 2011 report.  They have treated more than 46,000 victims of sexual-gender-based violence-6 year olds and octogenarians alike.  Beyond healer to these women and girls, Dr. Mukwege is hope.

My heart went out to this man and the incredible work in which he and his colleagues are involved.  I marveled at their strength and ability to carry on day after day treating victims of rape and war, bringing hope to a seemingly hopeless situation.

I was immediately reminded of a Rumi quote I recently ran across, “Don’t turn away.  Keep your gaze on the bandaged place.  That’s where the light enters you.”  Dr. Mukwege and his team, who refuse to turn away from the wounded and traumatized, are the embodiment of light that enter one of the darkest spots on earth.  They are a gentle reminder to all women who have experienced rape, that despite near insurmountable conditions, there is hope.

Repressed memories of my own sexual assault as a child came flooding back during a bout of postpartum depression after the birth of my second child,  allowing me the opportunity to peer into my own wall of darkness.  Not a very inviting prospect.  And yet, unknowingly I had stumbled upon a timely path that would eventually lead to healing. 

 Much has been written about the dark or “shadow aspect” of human nature .  Psychiatrist Carl Jung called the shadow, “the unknown dark side of our personality.” He states that whatever we deny in ourselves becomes part of our shadow.  No matter how highly evolved we think ourselves to be, we each have a shadow side where whatever we deem unacceptable, inferior, or evil about our self lies hidden.  However, the” gift” found within any wound or trauma is the opportunity to access these hidden aspects of self we have unknowingly locked away in order to feel “safe” or appear “acceptable” in the eyes of society. 

This morning I listened to a recording of a somewhat novel approach to working with the shadow.  I would like to share some of what I learned from this recording as well as what I’ve discovered from my own experience.

The shadow is not “bad” or “wrong”.  It is simply those aspects of self we have judged or condemned.  Often we try to avoid, suppress, or wish these parts away, when in fact what the shadow desires is simply to be acknowledged.

 What our shadow needs most from us is empathy and respect.  When that which is hidden and denied is not acknowledged,  we set ourselves up for a fate of unconsciously repeating the same cycles of pain in the form of verbal, emotional, mental or physical dysfunction or abuse.  Those who commit crimes against others are acting out their shadow side, the aspects of self that feel invisible, disrespected and powerless.

It takes incredible energy to keep our shadow repressed which means there is less energy available to live life.  In fact,  a repressed shadow does not allow us to fully experience the “good stuff” either - the joy, vitality, love and happiness that are our birthright.  One’s  affect becomes dulled.  One of the wonderful things about being human is the wide range of emotions we are capable of experiencing.    

 When the shadow feels respected, it will begin working for us instead of against us.  So we empathize by giving voice to our shadow, by calling it forth.  We call it forth (not in public) but into the light of our own awareness in order to listen to what it has to say.  It may not be what we want to hear.  It may cuss and yell and scream and carry on, however we continue to listen without judgment or condemnation.  We let it have it’s say (in private).

 We also acknowledge the people who have hurt us and take them into our heart.  We do not condone what they did, but we tell them we respect and honor the power they didn’t own. We say to pain, anger, rage, jealousy, addiction, depression, guilt and shame, “I see you, I honor and respect you.  I take you into my heart just as you are, and if you need to rant and rave, then go ahead.  I am here and will not turn away.”  

In essence, we meet the shadow, not in order to control it, but to disarm it by loving and respecting it, by giving it what it needs, an open heart and a voice.  We acknowledge its right to exist because it does in fact exist, and after all it survived the unspeakable atrocities forced upon it.

We live in a world of duality where both light and dark, laughter and sorrow exist side by side.  One cannot exist without the other.  That is the nature of things.  Our task then is to integrate the polarities within our own self, bringing them into balance.  We cannot say, “I only want to feel the good stuff” while pushing away the undesirable.  It doesn’t work that way. 

By observing our emotions, we discover how they arise and subside quite naturally without any interference on our part.   A problem arises when we form an opinion or judgement about our feelings and attempt to control them or suppress them.  They have no recourse but to move underground, becoming like a pressure cooker, until eventually they are unconsciously acted upon, perhaps explosively or aggressively, causing harm to ourselves and others.

When we cut ourselves off from the dark and wounded aspects of self,  an unconscious belief is sustained that we are powerless and unworthy.  In truth we are far more powerful than we ever imagined.  Yet, it is up to us to take responsibility for our own healing.  No one can do this for us.  And as someone once said, “Sunshine is the best disinfectant.”

Darkness is a powerful teacher.  Whenever fear, anger, rage, guilt, jealousy, unworthiness, shame, addiction, depression, or sense of inferiority arise, it shows us where our deepest work lies.  Rather than distracting our self or reaching for something to numb the pain, we can choose not to turn away. 

The cycles of pain are broken by keeping our gaze on the bandaged place, for that is where the light enters us.  By honoring our shadow side, our wounds surprisingly become our saving grace and the pivotal point where we take back our power.